A Birthday Wish

Today is my birthday and I'm six years old..
Okay i didn't really complete that sentence, today is my birthday and I'm six years older than twenty. Although i wish i was just six years old, running around a cake and goodies clad dining table, in a pretty pink frock playing treasure hunt and dancing statues with my friends. But I'm not, and that's because everyone grows up, making a lot of people trying their best to defy their ages in the process, I don't really understand why. Everyone goes through all the numbers from 1 to 80 - 90 maybe even more, and each number is just too special to hide from others!

As children we get conditioned every year by the gifts we receive, the parties our parents throw, the attention we get from our friends, that its OUR day. We deserve to be pampered! After all its the day when we came to life and since we are all so unique and special, we need to celebrate ourselves. So I am that I am, I'll spend plenty on shopping for myself, Ill make a wish list for myself, have a cake and eat it too, call friends to share my happiness! Some people think it is another year to cherish our lives, as we have lived it by defying death. So is that why we celebrate our birthdays? I love what Sam Vaknin, an iconoclastic columnist (according to twitter), has to say about birthdays - "Birthdays are expressions of unbridled, blind faith in our own suspended mortality" - Its like an achievement, and a very narcissistic one.


So then, why do we celebrate our birthdays? To mark an end to our previous year? Or to start the beginning of a new fruitful year? Or Is birthday that day of the year which isn't a part of either the past or the future? If that is so, what can we really do to make this the most beautiful day. Why did the universe contrive for us to be born on this special day anyway? What can we do for it, to be grateful, if at all? At this point, the reasons get subjective. For me it starts with writing this post, being aware, a general feeling of giving a bit of yourself away for the benefit of this world, the planet, its people. You might be thinking, 'oh I could put some money into charity' or 'be nice to people you dislike' or 'donate and not waste food'. But one doesn't need to do things that are considered as kindness by society, it really is how you feel within and whatever makes it, lets try and do it on our birthday!

I have to admit, what I've written is just a seed for my soul, I cant say I'm there yet completely, but i really hope that soon i will celebrate a whole hearted, selfless birthday. Peace. Love. Happiness.

Social Disqualification or Steady Wisdom?

More than a year ago when all hell broke lose in my life I decided to bring about some changes in it. Weird as those changes were they made me extremely unsocial, and I had no idea that would be the case. Firstly, I decided to give up non vegetarian food, so when friends decided to go to a kabab place or even Edgeware road to have kababs and sheesha I usually made silly excuses not to join them. Secondly, I decided that no alcohol or any other intoxicating substances would ever enter my self worshiped body. That meant no pubs after work or late Saturday nights. Lastly as insane as I was, I became vegan and a health freak. So no milk and milk products, eggs or even cooked food! Yeah I survived on raw salads for atleast ten months (not anymore thankfully!) and eating out was always a blunder at that time. So yes I made life very hard for myself and forced the beast out of me. It costed me most parties, social gatherings and funny remarks like "are you planning to kill yourself?" Or "are you sick?" or " do you have an eating disorder?" oh this ones the best "are you detoxing your life?" I had no intentions to explain myself coz I wasn't in the frame of mind, however I believed i needed it. So becoming a total social disaster I carried on. Just a week ago I read this and I couldn't help not sharing this with you all on my blog, as now I do have an answer.


Arjuna asks lord Krishna:
What is the definition of a man of steady wisdom?

Keshava (lord krishna) replies:
When a man gives up all desires of the mind and himself delights in his self, then he said to be a man of steady wisdom
He who is unperturbed in misery and free from desires amidst pleasures, who is devoid of all attachment, fear and anger, that sage is said to be of steady wisdom.
He who is free from affection everywhere, and who neither welcomes or hates good or evils has steady wisdom.
The one who sits in meditation, has self control on his senses has steady wisdom as for a person thinking of sense-objects grows an attachment for them; attachment arises desire; desire results in anger; from anger comes delusion; delusion results confusion of memory which further destroys intelligence and hence the man perishes!

Lastly, for an uncontrolled person there is no knowledge and meditation, and for the unmeditative person there is no peace, and if there is no peace how can there be any happiness?


Text from Shrimad Bhagwad Gita


So that brings us back to my story, I took those drastic steps to save myself from getting perished! It also makes you realise that there is such a fine line between pleasure and pain, as something that was so painful for me just last year has now become my strength. It really is all in the mind. Peace.

A way of life

I think I'm one of those creatures who is absolutely obsessed with the concept of life and how it works. How things always happen for a reason and how everything is circular, in motion (earth rotates and revolves); in philosophies (what goes around comes around); in nature (water cycle); in religion (cycle of birth, rebirth and death) and in various systems and subsystems. As a teenager my sis couldn't help notice how I loved circular things (concentric circular earrings, spiral prints on my tshirts, kurtas and everything i owned, bangles etc) and thought i was a circle freak! its weird but when im about to sleep i feel the insides of my head moving in circles and when I close my eyes for a long time i see polka dots! I'm sure lots of people do but not many people ponder on it as much as I am right now. Unless of course you are Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama, whose paintings i happen to see in Museum of Modern Art, New York (http://www.moma.org/collection/artist.php?artist_id=3315) Paintings are fantastic and minimalistic and i connected with them immediately, which is why i remembered them even now. But what scares me is that she has a history of mental illness and hallucinations! Does that really make me freak?! i hope not!
Coming back to circles, i don't care much about the human made traditions but a ring is circular, isn't it? A zero is circular (which im very proud to say was invented by Indian scholars) So many times we get caught up in viscous circles, its just feels like a whole way of life.

Anyway, going on about life and its systems (and subsystems) I love finding metaphors in stupid little routine and non routine things and link it with the cosmos of life. It can get really silly at times like i was playing Touch hockey on my phone the other day (its a free app btw) and every time i would hit the disk with too much force it would bounce back and slide into my goal and every time i stayed calm and protected the entry of my goal i would score. you know what I'm getting at. It can get really annoying, but very interesting at times. Its like the concepts are the same but applied differently in different systems. For instance in trees, there is the big bossy Banyan tree who definitely provides shelter and preserves tradition but also doesn't allow other plants to grow under it as it blocks the sunlight, on the other hand there is the Neem tree, every part of it is medicinal in many ways and others like the Cherry tree, that grow lovely white flowers and look only beautiful. So you can see what I'm trying to get at. I guess everybody has a different way of analysing their lives. Some people tolerate it, some take it as it comes, some absolutely love it, some really look forward to it and some who think too much analyse it like i do!
At the moment I'm talking about life so generously, is because i absolutely love it and I am actually quite pleased of the fact that my happiness has come from within and not derived from a person, a new commodity or status or something.
Alright I'm quite bored of typing and staring at the screen now so I'm going to end this quite abruptly. What was this entry about? no idea! i just love talking about life in case you haven't noticed already!

L.I.F.E

yawn. breathe. eat. run. stretch. meditate. bathe. love.
reach. watch. learn. inspire. feel. trip. write. feed. love.
talk. meet. bless. hug. kiss. drink. peace. share. love.
swim. bask. stretch. walk. listen. immerse. jive. love.
wait. wash. scrub. throw. clean. scream. keep. love.
dance. love. teach. love. create. love. dance. love.
love. love. love. love. love. love. love. love. love.

L.I.F.E or the short for Life Is Fucking Easy, all you have to do is love it and it'll love you back. I wish it hadnt taken me so long to get where I am, even so it is hard to put into words (literally) what defines mine.

The rush of presence

A friend looking at a brass colossal statue infront of Hammersmith station today "Hey thats cool, how is it Ive never seen this before and I've passed this station atleast 15 to 20 times" "well, thats how present you are!"
Present, is such an everyday word and yet its essence is so powerful. I was in America for the summer and as you already know that continent is known for its vastness and surprising natural beauty. Its just when you see such expansion or anything absolutely stunningly beautiful your mind becomes empty and is captured by this rush of now, the present. You end up gaping at it. Well honestly US isnt that beautiful (the much I've seen), London is far ahead in the artistry and beauty aspect in general terms, but I did get this feeling when i saw the Niagara falls and for like the ten minutes we were on the 'Maid of the Mist' (a boat that takes you closer to the falls) i was just captured by the sheer rush of it. I know it sounds a bit insane probably, like get over it, its just the Niagara but arguably there are two kinds impact that the situation can bring. First, just being captured by the invisible essence of presence and second, knowing that you are captured by the essence and are directly witnessing/noticing its effect on you. I think it then becomes subjective, for me its meditative.


But i have to say its not only the nature's giants that grasp your attention, standing on top of the Empire State building and on the glass floor of CN Tower were quite fascinating too. They command presence you cant get away from it.

Anyhow coming back to the topic, my uncle the other day was talking about actors and stuff and he said the actors he likes are the ones who just come on screen and just captivate your attention. One generally would say its coz she/he has a lot of presence. That doesn't mean a person is beautiful or even a good actor, it just means, according to me, that the actor is so involved in the beauty of acting that he feels the 'rush of presence' in his job, making him a stronger performer. I mean you can tell if a guy is involved or loves his work or not and hence, i feel, to do what you love will make the world love you.

It is a fairly spiritual subject and spirituality in Hinduism reminds me of mindlessly reading out mantras and shlokas. No offense to anyone, I've done the same throughout my younger years and still do. But we have to admit, we aren't pros in sanskrit, so we dont really know what each word means. I recall my class 10 board exams nine years ago, when I use to read the Hanuman Chalisa every morning, like religiously, and it did help me concentrate and get me back to books. But i remember very clearly writing in my journal at that time with a bit of anger that i dont really know exactly what im reading, and what it means but it does work (all i knew was it praises Lord Hanuman, and Ram and Sita in bits) Why does it work? There is definitely something else, a force that pulls you in and improves your mental ability and for me now I can say that is the rush of presence. You read it with your presence, your heart, your inner being there is no way it wouldn't work.

The divine exquisite thought-less feeling

On the eve of full moon
You came
you come often but tonight I was you.
I want to be where you are,
I want to relive the divinity, the force, the belonging
stronger than love or any other emotion.
and when the chakra left me, i felt incomplete
leaving ashes of beauty
Whats this life for?
The answer lies in you

'One sided Conversation' Rich Dance, march '10